Stimulus money, please.

I'm in the money! I'm in the money!



What am I talking about? I'm about to get paid!



I know you're saying "But wait idiot. I know where you work and what you do. How are you all of a sudden going to get money?"

Simple. Cousin Barack.



See? Facebook says we're cousins. Choke on that suckers! I'm about to get my money! HA HA! Everyone at work can kiss my hairy ...

What? You mean other people have gotten the same thing. It's some sort of spam junk.

Ahem. As I was saying, the wonderful managers at my place of employment could not be any greater. I am truly blessed to be part of such a fine company. I look forward to doing their bidding for many, many years to come.

Thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got something in my eye.